If we can look upon our lives as being rare and wondrous events, then we will truly have lived.
If we are able to realize this realm of gratitude,
in which we are able to live-and-die in gassho,
then what else could we need?
Bearer of Light Rev. Jitsuen Kakehashi
“What does it say? Can you see a second line?” I ask Carmela.
“I can’t tell yet. You have to wait for at least ten minutes.”
I sit at the table and stare at the Covid test strip for about five minutes. I’m pretty sure I have it. Kacie tested positive and so did two of her friends who had been staying with us. We all started to feel sick about the same time. First a slight scratchy throat, then body aches and headache. Little by little congestion in the eyes, throat and then a cough. The fever was very slight only about 99-100.
I get tired of staring at the test strip and go to the other room. Carmela calls from the kitchen, “You’re positive!”
It’s rather strange after having been basically isolated for a year and a half. From March of 2020 to November of 2021. In November, I began to think we had finally gotten out of this pandemic without getting it. My family had Thanksgiving together. I went to Disneyworld with Carmela, Kacie, Taylor and our friends David and Paul Quirke-Thornton from England. We were still very careful and made it back to have Joya E in Ogden and Salt Lake. However, this new variant Omicron began popping up in the news. Kacie and her friends came home for Martin Luther King weekend. Even at our house we were careful. However, Andrew (one of Kacie’s friends) was the first to test positive. Kacie called me tearfully, after he went to one of the test centers and tested positive. When Kacie called crying, I thought they had been in a car accident or something, but she said Andrew tested positive so it’s her fault that I probably have it too.
It took a couple of days before I felt the symptoms and took the test. We were lucky because our friends from England had brought the tests they had received in the U.K., so we had a few extras. Actually Covid isn’t as bad as I thought. It isn’t good, but it isn’t as bad as I had imagined for almost two years. To tell you the truth, I was beginning to wonder if I may be special and immune to Covid. Kacie and Taylor had gotten sick with Covid the previous year. I knew of many people that have had Covid. My Auntie Rose and Uncle Joe both caught it and Uncle Joe died and Auntie Rose survived.
When I look closely at these past two years, now going into the third year, I knew that Covid was real. However, it still felt like it was something that happened to others. It was quite like my realization that I would actually die. We all have a tendency to think like my daughter Taylor did when she was 5 or 6 years old and explained to Kacie that everybody else would probably die, “Dad, Mom, Grandpa, Grandma, you are all going to die, but I’m not going die.” Isn’t this how
most of us feel. Very few of us get the experience of dying. I was lucky enough to have had a near death experience in a hospital in Reno, I couldn’t believe that I would die, until the moment I did. Literally when the nurse pulled the sheet over my face.
I think it was a very similar feeling when Carmela called out to me that my test was positive. I thought, “Well, there it is. I hope Kacie and Taylor don’t get too upset if I die.” Since I am writing this article, it means that I haven’t died. I am still sick and have a cough and can’t really do a service. However, I definitely don’t expect to die from this bout with Covid.
It almost feels anticlimactic. A part of me thinks, “This is it?” However, as soon as this thought hits me, I realize it isn’t about me. I have been lucky that Covid is just like a bad cold in my experience of it. Yet, I forget that the reason my experience is not that bad is because I have received the vaccinations and booster. To get these shots, how many people have died. As I have sat on my sofa and watched television, how many people have been running around so I could have food in my home? This is the literal meaning of the word “Itadakimasu”. The Japanese character has the character for “Horse” in it, to express gratitude for the people riding on horses to get the various items for us to live. Can you see how many people have lived for your benefit?
In addition, is your little bit of comfort of not wearing a mask worth the life of another person. Although, some of us have been lucky to not have a severe reaction to Covid, there are still those that will have a terrible reaction, even death. I believe that these types of questions, are the meaning of “living and dying in Gassho”. None of us live alone. Each of us are interconnected with one another. As we live in this realm of gratitude, what is your diagnosis, “Positive or Negative?”
Namo Amida Butsu... Please take care of one another, I highly recommend a mask and vaccination.
-Rev. J.K. Hirano