Buddhist Thoughts is the SLC Buddhist Temple newsletter which is mailed to Temple members each month. Here we provide excerpts from archival Buddhist Thoughts.

2004 September

Cancer and Life
by J.K. Hirano

The way of the world is, above all, that we continue on as if unaware of the uncertainty of life for your and old alike. Existence is as ephemeral as a flash of lightning or the morning dew, and the wind of impermanence may come even now. Yet we think only of prolonging this life for as long as possible, without ever aspiring to the Pure Land in the afterlife. his is inexpressibly deplorable.

From today, we should quickly entrust ourselves to Amida Tathagata’s Primal Vow of Other Power. Steadfastly taking refuge in the Buddha of Immeasurable Life, we should aspire to birth in the true and real fulfilled land and repeat the nembutsu, say the Name of the Buddha.

-- On the allotted span of life, Gobunsho IV-2

There are so many things in my life that I have to be grateful for. My children are first among the treasures that constantly teach me about how wonderful my life is. However, it’s easy to list the good things in our lives and consider how grateful we are. There are also many things in my life that at first glance, may seem negative, but in perspective, have been the best teachers of all. My diagnosis of cancer is one of those. Each of us knows of someone that has had cancer. The news media is constantly warning us about various cancer causing substances and activities. However, when my doctor told me this past Spring, I had cancer. It was a bit of a shock. Over the past couple of years, I had been working out almost daily. I quit smoking in January. Although I must admit, quitting smoking was to appease my friends and family, more than a fear of cancer. Therefore, when the doctor said, “Jerry it looks like you have thyroid cancer,” my first reaction was, “Wow, I could have smoked for another five months.” The doctor reassured me that smoking had nothing to do with thyroid cancer and that quitting smoking helps with all aspects of my health and was a very good thing. I can’t say that I would wish cancer on anyone, but the entire process was a great learning experience. As a Buddhist priest, I am always stressing that life is impermanent. At each an every funeral, I read, The letter on White Ashes. In this letter, Rennyo Shonin emphasizes the fragile nature of human life. Nevertheless, as I say the words, “how many of us have lived even one hundred years.” In the back of my mind, I am thinking, “I probably won’t make one hundred. But I’m shooting for at least the high eighties.” When I was younger, some friends and I spoke about probably not making it to fifty or sixty. At least, three of them were right, Rev. Russell Hamada, Rev. Dennis Yoshikawa, Senator Pete Suazo. Now that I am closer to fifty, I have begun to hope for a little more. However, when the diagnosis was cancer, a part of me thought, well I guess this is it. The doctors then told me how lucky I was to have thyroid cancer. It was one of the most curable of cancers. I thought, well that is lucky. Some other people mentioned that I was lucky to have a doctor that detected the tumor during my semi annual physical. I thought that’s lucky too. I guess the only difficult part about the cancer, was the worry it brought out in my friends and family. Yet, that showed me how lucky I am, to have so many people that care about what happens to me.

During my treatment, there was only one time, I thought maybe this was it and I wasn’t so lucky. It was about three or four days after my radiation treatment. During that time I couldn’t have anyone around me. I was semi-isolated. My friend Dr. Carmela Javellana had taken off work while I was undergoing treatment, so I wouldn’t be home alone. However, I couldn’t have anyone in the room with me. Even Shoyu, my dog and Baby Blue, my cat, had to stay out of the room. About two days after I had taken the radiated iodine, something about the treatment had given me a terrible headache, so I hadn’t slept much. About four in the morning on the fourth day, I sat up in bed and couldn’t really feel my legs. It was dark in the room and I was quite uncomfortable, I thought, “Well, this must be it. I guess I’m not making it to fifty. Hm mmm, this is what it feels like to die. It must start at the feet and move up. At least it doesn’t hurt.” And then I realized my headache was gone. Once again, I realized how fortunate I was. Although there was a slight moment of panic at being alone and dying alone, that passed when I realized, all I had to do was call out and Carmela would be there. The next thing I did was sit quietly and try to relax. I took deep breaths and began to chant “Namandabu” very slowly. It was a feeling of deep gratitude for all the people and causes and conditions in my life that had supported me up until that moment. Although the feeling that I knew my girls would miss me passed through my mind. Once I embraced the feeling, I realized they knew I loved them and would become namoamidabutsu for them. With that thought, rather then panic, a deep calmness made me realize that everything would be all right. Whatever happened, would happen and then I fell asleep.

All of these things I experienced, I can honestly say, were a result of my exposure to the Nembutsu teachings. They were no longer just words, but a reality that I could experience. It all began many years ago, at this Salt Lake Buddhist Temple, where I attended Sunday School.

I would like to thank all of you that support our temple. On September 12th annual Dharma School picnic at North Canyon Park in Bountiful, I hope you can join us. On September 19th we will begin a new year of Dharma School, I hope you will join us in exploring the Nembutsu teachings together.

I would especially like to express my appreciation for all the kind letters and phone calls I have received from many of you. I tried to answer each one, but as is often the case, I’m sure some may have been overlooked. I know that some people did not call, realizing that I couldn’t talk very well after my operation. I appreciate your consideration. I am a very lucky man, to have so many friends to support me. All I can say is “Namo Amida Butsu.”

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