Buddhist Thoughts is the SLC Buddhist Temple newsletter which is mailed to Temple members each month. Here we provide excerpts from archival Buddhist Thoughts.

2003 June

Generation to Generation
by J.K. Hirano

Every generation blames the one before. And all of their frustrations, come beating on your door. I know that I'm a prisoner, to all my father held so dear. I know that I'm a hostage, to all his hopes and fears.

-- The Living Years, Mike and the Mechanics

I remember when I was a child at family gatherings, my grandfathers would sit at the head of the table and often just watch us, their family.  My grandpa Kawaguchi would often drink and then sing some strange Japanese song. I would often make a howling sound to accompany him. My cousins and I would laugh and grandpa would just continue singing. He would laugh at me or say something I didn't understand. My Jichan Hirano loved to have friends around that he could talk to. It seemed that the conversation always concerned the old days.

All my grandparents are no longer physically with me. They are now the memories that my family and I speak about. Now there is a new generation that listens to our stories. They probably laugh at our recollections of what it was like when we were their age. I think it must have been difficult for my parents to pick up many of the thoughts and feelings of their parents. They lived in two different cultures and their language was different. However, I am surprised at how much tradition was able to be passed from the Issei (first generation) to the Nisei (second generation).

I believe that because of the differences in culture and language, it was necessary for the Issei to explain their actions and thoughts to their children in different ways. It was also of extreme importance that the Nisei listen carefully to what their parents said. The Nisei had the burden of being good obedient children. While at the same time, making sure that their family was able to fit in to American culture. They were responsible for their parents, in many ways.

My generation has often taken for granted that their parents would just take care of tradition and culture. We the sansei were blessed with parents that bore the burden of responsibility in so many ways. Now that we Sansei are beginning to have to plan the funerals of our parents. I find that many of us, are at a loss as to what is necessary. Asian culture has emphasized the notion of filial piety. Within the analects of Confucious, there is a story of one of his students asking him, "What do you mean by filial piety?" Confucious answered, "To take care of the funeral arrangements for your parents." The students were still confused and asked, "No, what do you really mean by that?" Confucious answered, "Don't give your parents reason to worry." Although there are many areas we Sansei can still learn about. For the purpose of this artcile, I thought I would outline what should be done in the arrangements for a funeral.

After the death of a loved one, no matter how we may try to prepare ourselves, as in the case of a long illness, when death occurs, we are often thrown into a state of panic. Our world is changed. The first thing to do is to call the mortuary about picking up your loved one's body. The mortuary will make arrangements for time and place. This can be done 24 hours a day, mortuaries have people on call for this purpose. The details for the funeral itself can be worked out later.

The next thing is to call the sensei. This is to arrange a time for the makuragyo service. Makura literally means pillow, gyo refers to the chanting of the sutras. Traditionally this service was held immediately following the death of a person. Therefore, the sutra was chanted at the pillow, where the deceased's head was lying. However, in the past most deaths occurred at home, since the parents and children lived together. In our present society most deaths occur at hospitals or nursing homes. The makuragyo service is not to make sure your loved one goes to the Pure Land. The makuragyo service is for the living family members. The death of a loved one is a very traumatic event. The makuragyo is a time to settle your mind that all will be okay and that you must now ready yourselves for the upcoming funeral services and time for mourning. Therefore, the makuragyo should be held when all the closest family members can gather together. This is often at the mortuary. If everyone is not able to be at the death bed, you can meet at the mortuary by asking them to have your loved one present for a small religious service. As an example, when someone dies early in the morning or late at night, it is often difficult for everyone to get together. We then usually set a time for meeting at the mortuary in the morning. The mortuary sets up a small room that we can hold the makuragyo service.

At the makuragyo service, the sensei will chant a sutra and the family will burn incense. The sensei will then give a small dharma talk. The family will then make arrangements with the sensei to meet for the funeral arrangements. This is usually the following day. At the funeral arrangement meeting, you will schedule a date, place and time for the funeral. Sensei and a committee of temple members will assist you in filling the necessary personnel for the funeral.

A typical funeral service will consist of the makuragyo, funeral service, burial and shonanoka (seventh day service) followed by otoki (meal with family and friends).

Most funerals consist of the following personnel:

• Sensei
• Chairperson
• Organist/Pianist
• 6-8 pallbearers
• One or two persons to give a personal history and eulogy
• A family member or representative to give a thank you at the funeral
• 2-4 receptionists to receive and register the koden
• 2-4 ushers
• 1-2 people for the guest book
• 2-3 people to write down the information for flowers

The people you ask to help with these things should be friends of the family. The chairperson should be familiar with the Buddhist funeral. If you cannot think of people to help you with these arrangements, the sensei and committee members will be happy to help you fill these positions. In Utah, it is common for the family to hold a viewing. This is not a Buddhist tradition. However, it is usually held the evening before or an hour before the actual funeral. If the viewing is held the evening before, it is usually not religious in nature. However, an obutsudan can be set up on request. It is usually helpful to have the receptionists at the viewing, since many people will still bring koden.

Some common funeral expenses are as follows:

• Casket
• Plot for burial or niche and headstone
• Certified copies of death certificate
• Funeral Director's fee
• Flowers (casket, altar, and other floral pieces)
• Altar offerings (if at the temple this is usually four types of fruit, about six pieces of each)
• Acknowledgements and acknowledgment cards (often provided by mortuary)
• Obituary notices
• Memorial donations to temple and various organizations

It is common etiquette to acknowledge all the acts of kindness, words of sympathy and personal services received during bereavement and the funeral. The actual amount and method of your expression of gratitude depend largely upon your personal feelings. As a guide you may acknowledge the following:

• Temple (monetary)

• Sensei (monetary)
• Organist (monetary)
• Organizations if applicable (monetary)
• Funeral personnel, i.e. ushers, receptionists, etc. (monetary or gift)
• Floral pieces, koden, telegrams, sympathy cards and letters (acknowledgment card)
• Personal gestures, i.e. food and drink supplied to home, etc.

The death of a loved one is extremely difficult. It is a time when our emotions are right on the surface. I feel that although there are guidelines for funerals and certain traditions that have been set up. The bottom line is how you will cope with the death. The funeral is a personal experience. However, in many ways it is very public. Our traditions have been established over hundreds of years, to help us get through this difficult time. Death, whether in Japan or the United States is still the same and we go through the same emotions. There will be people who tell you that you must do this or you must do that. My recommendation is you look deep within yourself and follow those leanings. These are the times that the temple is here for you and we will do all that we can to help you. Namo Amida Butsu.

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