Buddhist Thoughts is the SLC Buddhist Temple newsletter which is mailed to Temple members each month. Here we provide excerpts from archival Buddhist Thoughts.

2000 February

The Hungry Ghost in the Mirror
by J.K. Hirano

With minds full of malice and cunning, like snakes or scorpions,
We cannot accomplish good acts through self-power;
And unless we entrust ourselves to Amida's directing of virtue,
We will end without knowing shame or self-reproach.

Hymns of the Dharma-Ages, CWS pg. 422

One of my favorite things in life is to just be with my daughters. Watching them, playing with them, just enjoying being in their presence. It is especially enjoyable to have a conversation with Kacie. She is now four years old and has her own world view and definite opinions about how the world should run. As the minister of a temple, I have had the opportunity to speak to a wide range of people, from various walks of life. However, I would put my conversations with Kacie at the top of my list of people I have spoken to. When I listen to her, I can see the wonder of human life. In my daughters eyes, I see her potential for infinite possibilities. I feel extreme joy and sadness, in realizing I will not be able to be with her for all the happiness she will experience or to protect her from the grief she will experience in life. Yet, knowing that I have been blessed in enjoying them at this moment is of the utmost happiness I have ever experienced.My daughters are still unspoiled by too many outside influences. Therefore, their view of things is extremely subjective. Everything revolves around them and what they want and need at that moment. Their needs are served first with anybody else being second. Taylor at one year of age, is even more self serving than Kacie. She tries to fool me into reaching for the piece of candy or fruit she offers me, then pulls it away at the last moment, laughing. If this were done by anyone else, I'm sure I'd feel offended. But these are just children, I can't get upset over these playful acts. It is in their nature to act in a selfish manner. Little by little, I will try to show them how to better hide their true and real selves, but it is a lifetime process.The other day, Kacie threw me a really difficult question. She asked me, "Daddy, when people die, do they get to start over?" The answer to this is a whole article in itself, so I will save it for another time. However, after I answered her, I looked at her and she was crying. Cheryl said, "What's wrong Kacie, did Daddy scare you?" Kacie answered between sobs, "No...I don't want you or Daddy to die." It touched me that her fear of losing us was so great and that she was able to freely express her fear. I too remember the fear I had of losing my parents. I was much older, probably around seven or eight. But I would fear what would happen and how painful it would be to lose my Mother or Father. There were nights, when I remember crying myself to sleep, thinking of the possibility.Now I am 42 years old, I have experienced the death of my Mother and I still dread the possibility of my Father getting older and the reality that he too will one day die. Yet what is it within me that has changed. At the funeral of my Mother, I didn't cry out expressing the pain I felt. I don't cry myself to sleep, thinking about these things. Yet, what has changed within me. These fears and desires that my children have are still a part of me. In reality, I am no different than my little daughter. I feel the world should revolve around me. I want bad things to happen to other people and not me or my friends and family. Nothing has really changed, but I have learned how to hide it better than Kacie or Taylor. At least I would like to think that I am able to hide my desires to a certain extent. The Japanese sometimes call children "Gaki." Gaki refers to the Buddhist concept of a hungry ghost or demon. In illustrations, you will often see the Gaki pictured as a huge being, with an extremely small mouth. As a result of this huge body and very small mouth, the Gaki is always hungry. The wander aimlessly, with a hunger that is unquenchable. My children offer me this mirror into my true and real nature. I am the "Gaki" in the mirror.

This passage I began with is Shinran Shonin's expression for his realization of his own Gaki self. It is from a group of his "wasans" poems called "Gutoku's Hymns of lament and reflection" from the collection Hymns of the Dharma Age (Shozomatsu Wasan). In this section he begins by describing how outwardly we each try to show that we are wise, good, and dedicated. Where in reality we are filled with greed, anger, perversity and deceit. If it were not for Amida Buddha's compassion, how could we ever cross this ocean of painful existence. In looking at our children, we are able to see our true reflections. In the raising of our children, we must understand that the true nature of teaching is a reciprocal process. We learn from them, just as much as they learn from us. In also take refuge in my daughters. Okagesama de, I can truly say, "Namo Amida Butsu."

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